Cats Musical – Whole Musical lyrics

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1.Prologue: Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats

Are you blind when you’re born? Can you see in the dark?
Dare you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne?
Can you say of your bite that it’s worse than your bark?
Are you cock of the walk when you’re walking alone?
Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles would
Jellicles would and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

When you fall on your head do you land on your feet?
Are you tense when you sense there’s a storm in the air?
Can you find your way blind when you’re lost in the street?
Do you know how to go to the Heaviside Layer?

Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?
Familiar with candle, with book and with bell?
Were you Whittington’s friend? The Pied Piper’s assistant?
Have you been an alumnus of Heaven and Hell?

Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx?
Are you keen to be seen when you’re smelling a rat?
Were you there when the pharoahs commissioned the sphinx?
If you were, and you are, you’re a Jellicle cat

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze
We can turn double sumersaults, bounce on a tire
We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees
We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire

Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Can you sing at the same time in more than one key
Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss
And can you (as cats do) begin with a ‘C’
That always triumphantly brings down the house?

Jellicle cats are queen of the nights
Singing at astronomical heights
Handling pieces from the Messiah
Hallelujah, angelical choir

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang “Vivat,”
Life to the Everlasting Cat!
Feline, fearless, faithful and true
To others who do – what

Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants
Jellicles old and Jellicles new
Jellicle song and Jellicle dance
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Pactical cats, Dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, Fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats
Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, Penantical cats
Critical cats, Parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, Metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and Mystical cats
Political cats, Hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, Hysterical cats
Cynical cats, Rabbinical cats

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

There’s a man over there with a look of surprise
As much as to say Well now, how about that?
Do I actually see with my own very eyes
A man who’s not heard of a Jellicle cat?
What’s a Jellicle cat? What’s a Jellicle cat?

2.The Naming Of Cats

The naming of cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games
You may think that I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three different names
First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Baily –
All of them sensible, everyday names

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter –
But all of them sensible, everyday names

But I tell you a cat needs a name that’s particular
A name that’s peculiar, and more dignified
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum –
Names that never belong to more than one cat

But above and beyond there’s still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover
But the cat himself knows, and will never confess

When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you , is always the same
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name
His ineffable, effable, effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name
Name, name, name, name, name, name

3.The Invitation To The Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats meet once a year
At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice
And the Jellicle leader will soon appear
And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice
That’s when Old Deuteronomy just before dawn
Through a silence you feel could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle life.
For waiting up there is the Heaviside layer
Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see
And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare
Who will it be?

4.The Old Gumbie Cat

I have a Gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots.
Her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots
All day she sits beneath the stairs or on the steps or on the mat
She sits and sits and sits and sits and that’s what makes a Gumbie cat
That’s what makes a Gumbie cat
But…
When the day’s hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie cat’s work is but hardly begun
And when all the family’s in bed and asleep
She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep
She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice
Their behavior’s not good and their manners not nice
So when she has got them lined up on the matting
She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting

I have a Gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots
The curtain cord she likes to wind and tie it into sailor knots
She sits upon the windowsill, or anything that’s smooth and flat
She sits and sits and sits and sits, and that’s what makes a Gumbie cat
That’s what makes a Gumbie cat

But…
When the day’s hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie cat’s work is but hardly begun
She thinks that the cockroaches Need employment
To prevent them from Idol and wanton destroyment

So she’s formed from that lot of disorderly louts
A troop of well disciplined helpful Boy Scouts
With a purpose in life and a good deed to do
And she’s even created a beetles tattoo!

FOR SHE’S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!

Thank you my dears

5.The Rum Tug Tugger

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
If you offer me pheasant I’d rather have grouse
If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat
If you put me in a flat then I’d rather have a house
If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat
If you set me on a rat then I’d rather chase a mouse

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn’t any need for me to shout it
For he will do as he do do
And there’s no doing anything about it

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore

When you let me in, then I want to go out
I’m always on the wrong side of every door
And as soon as I’m at home, then I’d like to get about
I like to lie in the bureau drawer
And I make such a fuss if I can’t get out

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn’t any need for you to doubt it
For he will do as he do do
And there’s no doing anything about it

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast

My disobliging ways are a matter of habit
If you offer me fish then I always want a feast
When there isn’t any fish then I won’t eat rabbit
If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer
For I only like what I find for myself
So you’ll catch me in it right up to my ears
If you put it away on the larder shelf

The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing
The Rum Tum Tugger

Doesn’t care for a cuddle
But I’ll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing
For there’s nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn’t care for a cuddle
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn’t any need for me to spout it

For he will do as he do do

And there’s no doing anything about – it!

6.Grizabella the Glamour cat

Remark the cat who hesitates towards you
In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin
You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin

She haunted many a low resort near the grimy road of Tottenham Court
She flitted about the no man’s land
From “The Rising Sun” to “The Friend at Hand”
And the postman sighed as he scratched his head
“You’d really had thought she ought to be dead”
And who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the Glamour cat

Grizabella the Glamour cat, Grizabella the Glamour cat
Who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the Glamour cat

7.Bustopher Jones

Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
In fact, he’s remarkably fat
He doesn’t haunt pubs, he has eight or nine clubs
For he’s the St. James’s Street cat!
He’s the cat we all greet as he walks down the street
In his coat is fastidious black
No common – place mousers have such well cut trousers
Or such an impeccable black
In the whole of St. James the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of cats
And we’re all of up proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
My visits are occasional to The Senior Educational
And it is the against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And The Joint Superior Schools

When I’m seen in a hurry there’s probably curry
At The Siamese or at The Glutton
When I look full of gloom then I’ve lunched at The Tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton

In the whole of St. Jame’s the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummel of cats
And we’re all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white, Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white spats

So much in this way passes Bustopher’s day
At one club or another he’s found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round

He’s a twenty – five pounder Or I am a bounder

And he’s putting on weight every day

But I’m so well preserved because I’ve observed
All my life a routine, and I’d say
I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time
That’s the word from the stoutest of cats

It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white, Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats

8.Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer we’re a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick – change comedians
Tight – rope walkers and acrobats
We have an extensive reputation, we make our home in Victoria Grove
This is merely our centre of operation for we are incurably given to rove

If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests
And you couldn’t find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls

Then the family would say, “It’s that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!”
And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have an unusual gift of the gab
They are highly efficient cat burglars as well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab
We make their home in Victoria Grove, we have no regular occupation
We are plausible fellows who liked to engage a friendly policeman in conversation

When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they wouldn’t get thinner on
Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
“I’m afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!”

Then the family would say, “It’s that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!”
And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck and some of the time you would say it was weather
We go through the house like a hurricane and no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer? Or could you have sworn that it might have been both?
When you heard a dining room smash or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
Then the family would say: “Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer and there’s nothing at all to be done about that”

9.Old Deuteronomy

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

CAST:
Well of all things can it be really
Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!
My mind may be wondering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

MUNKUSTRAP:
Old Deuteronomy’s lived a long time
He’s a cat who has lived many lives in succession
He was famous in Proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria’s accession

THE RUM TUM TUGGER:
Old Deuteronomy’s buried nine wives
And more I am tempted to say-ninety nine
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the villiage is pround of him in his decline

MUNKUSTRAP:
At the sight of that placid and grand phsiognomy
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall
The oldest habitant croaks

MUNKUSTRAP AND THE RUM TUM TUGGER:
Well of all things can it be really
Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!
My mind may be wondering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

CAST (2X):
Well of all things can it be really
Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!
My mind may be wondering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

CAST:
Well of all things can it be really
Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!

OLD DEUTERONOMY:
My legs may be tottery I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy

10.Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account
Of the participation
Of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat

Munkustrap
Jellicle Cats meet once a year
On the night we make the Jellicle Choice
And now that the Jellicle Leader is here,
Jellicle Cats can all rejoice!

Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account
Of the participation
Of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat

The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows,
Are proud and implacable, passionate foes;
It is always the same, wherever one goes
And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting. Yet, once in a way,
They now and again join into the fray
And they:

All
Bark Bark Bark Bark
Bark Bark Bark Bark

Munkustrap
Until you could hear them all over the park

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that’s a long time for a Pol or a Peke).
The big Police Dog was away from his beat –
I don’t know the reason, but most people think
He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink –
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.
They did not advance, or exactly retreat,
But they glared at each other, and scraped their hind feet,
And they:

Peke
Bark

Pollicle
Bark

Peke
Bark

Pollicle
Bark
Bark

Peke
Bark

Pollicle
Bark

Peke
Bark

Munkustrap
Until you could hear them all over the park

And they:

Pekes
Bark

Pollicles
Bark

Pekes
Bark

Pollicles
Bark
Bark

Pekes
Bark

Pollicles
Bark

Pekes
Bark

Munkustrap
Until you could hear them all over the park

Now the Peke, although most people may say what they please,
Is no British Dog, but Heathen Chinese
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the window, some came to the door;
There was surely a dozen, more likely a score.
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese.
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like,
For your Pollicle Dog is a Doryorkshire tyke,

Pollicles
There were dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh, and the Dane
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmation
And even from China and Spain
From the poodle, the balmy Alstation
And the Basset who growls on the train

Munkustrap
And to those that are frisky and frollicle
That my mean be perfectly plain

Pollicles
That my name is Little Tom Pollicle
And you better not do it again!

Munkustrap
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And ever dog-jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out with their pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border
Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined in
To the din
With a:

All
Bark Bark Bark Bark
Bark Bark Bark Bark

Munkustrap
Until you could hear them all over the park

All
Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery,
Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuff!

Munkustrap
Until you could hear them all over the park.

All
(Barking)

Munkustrap
NO!!

When these bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled,
And some of the neighbors were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade.
When suddenly up from a small basement flat.
Why who should stalk out but,

All
The Great Rumpus Cat!

Munkustrap
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked out through the bars of the area,
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier.
What with the glare of his eyes and his yawning,
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning.
He looked to the sky and he gave a great leap –
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.

And when the Police Dog returned to his beat,
There wasn’t a single one left on the street.

All
All hail and all bow to the Great Rumpus Cat!

Old Deuteronomy
Jellicle Cats and Dogs all must
Pollicle Dogs and Cats all must
Like undertakers, come to dust!

The action is intruded by yet another crash from the villainous Macavity, which sends the cats scurrying! Old Deuteronomy soothes them, as they come back one by one. It is time for “The Jellicle Ball,” the great yearly dance in which all of the cats celebrate

11.The Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are rather small
Jellicle cats are merry and bright
And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul

Jellicle cats have cheerful faces
Jellicle cats have bright black eyes
We like to practice our airs and graces
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise

Jellicle cats develop slowly
Jellicle cats are not too big
Jellicle cats are roly poly
We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig
Until the Jellicle Moon appears
We make our toilet and take our repose
Jellicles wash behind their ears
Jellicles dry between their toes

Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are of moderate size
Jellicles jump like a jumping jack
Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes

We’re quiet enough in the morning hours
We’re quiet enough in the afternoon
Reserving our Terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon

Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats (as we said) are small
If it happens to be a stormy night
We will practice a caper or two in the hall

If it happens the sun is shining bright
You would say we have nothing to do at all
We are resting and saving ourselves to be bright
For the Jellicle Moon and Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

12.Grizabella

JELLYLORUM
You see the border of her coat is torn
And stained with sand.
And you see the corner of her eye
Twist like a crooked pin.

(instrumental break)

GRIZABELLA
Midnight, not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone.
In the lamplight, the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan.
Every streetlamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning.
Someone mutters, and the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning.
Memory, all alone in the moonlight.
I can smile at the old days.
I was beautiful then.
I remember the time I knew what happiness was.
Let the memory live again.

End of act 1

13.The Moments Of Happiness

The Moments of Happiness

We had the experience but missed the meaning
And approach to the meaning restores the experience
In a different form beyond any meaning we can assign to happiness
The past experience of one life only
But of many generations
Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable

Moonlight
Turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up Enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin

14.Gus The Theater Cat

Gus is the cat at the theater door
His name, as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus, and that’s such a fuss to pronounce
That we usually call him just Gus
His coat’s very shabby. He’s thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn’t the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub)
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with Irving, he’s acted with tree
And he likes to relate his successes on the halls
Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls
But his greatest creation as he love to tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

I have played in my time every possible part
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
I’d extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag
And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag
I knew to act with my back and my tail
With and hour of rehersal, I never could fail
I’d a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts
I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
When the curfew was run then I swung on the bell
In the Pantomime Season I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington’s cat
But my grandest creation, as history will tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat

And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned
They never did get drilled in a regular troup
And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop

And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
Well the theater is certainly not what it was
These modern productions are all very well
But there’s nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history
As Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

I once crossed the stage on a telegraph wire
To rescue a child when a house was on fire
And I think that I still can much better than most
Produce blood curdling noises to bring on the ghost
And I once played Growltiger
Could do it again, could do it again
Could do it again

15.Growltiger’s Last Stand And The Ballad Of Billy McCaw

CHORUS:
Growltiger was a bravo cat who travelled on a barge
In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large
From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims
Rejoicing in his title of

GROWLTIGER:
The “Terror of the Thames”! Ha ha ha ha!

GRUMBUSKIN:
His manners and appearance did not calculate to please
His coat was torn and seedy, it was baggy at the knees
One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why
And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye

CHORUS:
The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame
At Hammersmith and Putney, people shuddered at his name
They would fortify the hen house, lock up the silly goose
When the rumor ran along the shore:

GROWLTIGER:
Growltiger’s on the loose! Ha ha ha ha!

SOLOS:
Woe to the weak canary that fluttered from its cage
Woe to the pampered Pekinese, that faced Growltiger’s rage
Woe the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships
And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips

But most to cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed
To cats of foreign name and race, no quarter was allowed
The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear
Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear

TUMBLEBRUTUS:
Now on a peaceful summer night all nature seemed at play
The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molesey lay

CHORUS:
All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide
And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side

GRUMBUSKIN:
Growltiger’s bucko mate, Grumbuskin, long since had disappeared
For to the bell at Hampton he had gone to wet his beard

TUMBLEBRUTUS:
And his bosun, Tumblebrutus, he too had stol’n away
In the yard behind the lion he was prowling for his prey

GROWLTIGER:
In the forepeak of the vessel, Growltiger sat alone

GRIDDLEBONE:
Concentrating his attention on the lady Griddlebone

CREW:
And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks

SIAMESE:
As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks

GROWLTIGER:
Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone

GRIDDLEBONE:
And the lady seemed enraptured by his manly baritone

BOTH:
Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise

SIAMESE:
But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes

And closer still and closer the sampans circled ’round
And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound
The foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:
And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives

GROWLTIGER:
Oh, how well I remember the Old Bull and Bush
Where we used to go down of a Saturday night
Where, when anything happened, it come with a rush
For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite

A very nice house, from basement to garret
A very nice house. Ah, but it was the parrot–
The parrot, the parrot named Billy McCaw
That brought all those folks to the bar
Ah! He was the life of the bar.

Of a Saturday night, we was all feeling bright
And Lily La Rose — the barmaid that was —
She’d say, “Billy, Billy McCaw!
Come give us, come give us a dance on the bar!”
And Billy would dance on the bar
And Billy would dance on the bar
And then we’d feel balmy, in each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer

Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head
She wouldn’t have nothing, no not that much said
If it come to an argument or a dispute
She’d settle it offhand with the toe of her boot
Or as likely as not put a fist through your eye
Or when we was happy and just a bit dry
Or when we was thirsty and just a bit sad,
She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had
And say,

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:
“Billy, Billy McCaw!

GROWLTIGER:
“Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!”
And Billy’d strike up on his pastoral flute

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:
And Billy’d strike up on his pastoral flute

GROWLTIGER:
And then we’d feel balmy, in each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:
“Billy, Billy McCaw!
Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!”
And Billy’d strike up on his moley guitar
And Billy’d strike up on his moley guitar
And then we’d feel balmy, in each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer

CHORUS:
Billy, Billy McCaw!
Come give us a tune on your moley guitar

GROWLTIGER:
Ah! He was the life of the bar.

Gilbert:
Then Gilbert gave the signal to his fierce Mongolian hordes
With a frightful burst of fireworks, the chinks they swarmed aboard
Then Griddlebone she gave a screech for she was badly skeered
I’m sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared

GROWLTIGER:
She probably escaped with ease I’m sure she was not drowned

CHORUS:
But a serried ring of flashing steel Growltiger did surround

The ruthless foe pressed forward in stubborn rank on rank
Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank
He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop
At the end of all his crimes was forced to go ker-flip, ker-flop!

GROWLTIGER:
Ahhhhh!!!

CHORUS:
Oh there was joy in Wapping when the news flew through the land
At Maidenhead and Henley there was dancing on the Strand
Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock
And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok!

(DANCE — SIAMESE)

GUS:
These modern productions are all very well
But there’s nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history

16.Skimbleshank’s The Railway Cat

Skimbleshanks the Railway cat, the cat of the railway train
There’s a whisper down the line at eleven thirty – nine
When the night mail’s ready to depart
Saying, “Skimble, where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble
We must find him or the train can’t start”
All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster’s daughters
Would be searching high and low
Saying “Skimble where is Skimble for unless he’s very nimble
Then the night mail just can’t go.”
At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue
And the passengers all frantic to a man
That’s when I would appear and I’d saunter to the rear
I’d been busy in the luggage van!
Then he gave one flash of his glass – green eyes
And the signal went “all clear”
They’d be off at last to the northern part of the northern hemisphere!

Skimbleshanks the Railway cat, the cat of the railway train
You might say that by and large it was me who was in charge
Of the Sleeping Car Express
From the driver and guards to the bagmen playing cards
I would supervise them all more or less
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travellers in the first and the third
He established control by a regular patrol
And he’d know at once if anything occured.
He would you watch you without winking and he saw what you were thinking
And it’s certain that he didn’t approve
Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet
When Skimble was about and on the move
You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks
He’s a cat that couldn’t be ignored
So nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail
When Skimbleshanks was aboard

It was very pleasant when they’d found their little den
With their name written up on the door
And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet
And not a speck of dust on the floor
There was every sort of light, you could make it dark and bright
And a button you could turn to make a breeze
And a funny little basin you’re supposed to wash your face in
And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze
Then the guard looked in politely and would ask you very brightly
Do you like your morning tea weak or strong
But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him
For Skimble won’t let anything go wrong
When the crept into their cozy berth and pulled the counterpane
They all could reflect that it was very nice
To know that they wouldn’t be bothered by mice
They can leave all that to the railway cat
The cat of the railway train

Skimbleshanks the railway cat, the cat of the railway train
In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright
Every now and then I’d have a cup of tea
With perhaps a drop of scotch while I was keeping up the watch
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea
They were fast asleep at Crew and so they never knew
That I was walking up and down the station
They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle
Where I met the stationmaster with elation

They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police
If there was anything they ought to know about
When they got to Gallowgat there they did not have to wait
For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out
And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail
Which says “I’ll see you again”
You’ll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail
The cat of the railway train

You’ll meet with outfail on the Midnight Mail
The cat of the railway trail

17.Macavity: The Mystery Cat

Macavity!
Macavity’s a Mystery cat: He’s called the Hiddenpaw

For he’s the master criminal who can defy the law
He’s the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair
For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity’s not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity
He’s broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare
And when they reach the scene of crime Macavity’s not there

You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air…
But I tell you once and once again, Macavity’s not there!

Macavity’s a ginger cat, he’s very tall and thin
You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in
His brow is deeply lined in thought, his head is highly domed
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake
And when you think he’s half asleep, he’s always wide awake

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity
He’s a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by – street, you may see him in the square
But when a crime’s discovered then Macavity’s not there!

He’s outwardly respectable, I know he cheats ..at cards..
And his footprints are not found in any files of ..Scotland.. Yard’s
And when the larder’s looted …or the jewel case is rifled
Or when the milk is missing or another peke’s been stifled
Or the greenhouse glass is broken and the trellis past repair
There’s the wonder of the thing Macavity’s not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity
There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare
What ever time the deed took place Macavity’s not there!

And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone
Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time
Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity
He’s a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by – street, you may see him in the square
But when a crime’s discovered then Macavity, Macavity
Macavity, Macavity
When a crime’s discovered then Macavity’s not there

(instrumental)

We have to find old Deuteronomy

18. Mr. Mistoffelees

You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees!
The original Conjuring cat
There can be no doubt about that.

Please, listen to me, and don’t scoff, all his
Inventions are off his own bat.
There’s no such cat in the metropolis,
He holds all the patent monoplies,
For perfoming surprising illusions,
And creating eccentric confusion.

The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mister Mistoffelees Conjuring Turn

And we all say

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

He is quiet, he is small he is black
From his ears to the tip of his tail
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always decieving you into believing
That he’s only hunting for mice

He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it merely misplaced
You have seen it one moment and then it is gone
You’ll find it next week lying out on the lawn!

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

PRESTO!

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

My manner is vague and aloof
You would think there is nobody shyer
But my voice has been heard on the roof
When I was curled up by the fire
And I’ve sometimes been heard by the fire
When I was about on the roof
At least they all heard that somebody purred
Which is uncontestable proof
Of my singular magical powers
And I’ve known the family to call
Me in from the garden for hours
When I was asleep in the hall

And not long ago this phenominal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

And not long ago this phenominal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

19.Memory

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me
It’s so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You’ll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has begun

20.The Journey To The Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up to the Heaviside Layer
Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Jellicle Moon
Up up up tp the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Jellicle Moon
Up up up past the Heaviside Layer

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang “Vivat”
Life to the Everlasting Cat

21.The Ad-Dressing Of Cats
Old Deuteronomy:
You’ve heard of several kinds of cat
And my opinion now is that
You should need to interpreter to understand our character
You’ve learned enough to take the view
That cats are very much like you
You’ve seen us both at work and games
And learnt about our proper names
Our habits and our habitat
But how would you ad – dress a cat
So first, your memory I’ll jog
And say: A cat is not a dog

All:
So first, your memory I’ll jog
And say: A cat is not a dog

Old Deuteronomy:
Now dogs pretend they like to fight
They often bark, more seldom bite
But yet a dog is, on the whole
What you would call a simple soul

The usual dog about the town
Is much inclined to play the clown
And far from showing too much pride
Is frequently undignified

He’s such an easygoing lout
He’ll answer any hail or shout
The usual dog about the town
Is inclined to play the clown

Again I must remind you that
A dog’s a dog, a cat’s a cat

With cats, some say, one rule is true
Don’t speak ’till spoken to
Myself I do not hold with that
I say, you should ad – dress a cat
But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity
You bow, and taking off your hat, ad – dress him in this form “O Cat”!

Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend
Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream
And you might now and then supply
Some caviar or Strassburg pie
Some potted grouse or salmon paste
He’s sure to have his personal taste

And so in time you reach your aim
And call him by his name

A cat’s entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there’s how you ad – dress a cat

A cat’s entitled to expect these evidences of respect
So this is this, and that is that
And that’s how you ad – dress a cat

End of musical

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